why bother part 2…

why bother part 2…

well, the house is fully automated. lights on timers. varying so as to project someone home. bills are all automated although i’m sure electricity and other services will eventually get cut… in the meantime, there’s no reason to keep up this charade any longer. this site is paid up for two years, it’ll stay online …

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wtf is the point any longer…

wtf is the point any longer…

my “therapist” left in a complete lurch. my father starts calling me again more than a year later playing the ‘poor old man’ card as if that means i’m supposed to just pretend you didn’t kick me to the curb last time…just like you’ve done for my entire fucking life?!?!? the post office won’t deliver …

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Been a heck of a week…

Been a heck of a week…

last thursday was a hit to the gut. she used all the right words. “I know that you have abandonment issues and…” i do/don’t recall much beyond the utter collapse that i’d never be able to work with her again. we were so close and the one last thing i needed. the one last thing …

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Good Days, Bad Days…

Good Days, Bad Days…

Blech. I was down for the count the past three days, and hard too. I mean really really freaking hard like a mack truck hit me then backed up did it again and again and again. The more I research Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) the more I begin to understand ‘arthritis’ related conditions and symptoms. When my father …

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Break the barrier…

Break the barrier…

It’s time for water to brawl It’s time to follow your heart It’s time for buildings to shake It’s time for barriers to break To break, to break, to break, to break To break, to break, to break, to break Break the Barrier – Miss Li if recovery has taught me anything it’s that there’s …

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i’ve been here before and that’s ok…

i’ve been here before and that’s ok…

as much as I hate going off the rails at least it’s familiar territory, extremely uncomfortable but navigable if i just power through as best i can. i’m only in competition with myself with it comes to depression and anxiety. i either work through my fear and keep my appointments with my therapist and prescriber …

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too many record players…

too many record players…

my familiar place, i hate you with every fiber of my being… my mind has always been a series of flashbacks and memories, record players always playing nonstop day in day out…relentless i’ve never been good at juggling them, like a plate spinner without a break…a slave to keeping them all in the air until …

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I’ve never met anyone else like me…

I’ve never met anyone else like me…

My greatest need for support is in finding a way to adapt my Anxiety/Panic Disorder through the lenses of an adult still very much living with ADHD from childhood and who was never given the necessary support and consistency in tools to manage interpersonal situations. Couple that with the early childhood trauma and thats where …

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thursday…8:37 PM

thursday…8:37 PM

…bad day today. one of those days where my body let’s me know how much it hates me by making every inch of it ache. brain fog pushing against you while trying to string together sequential thoughts. coffee first, no, not coffee…which…backtrack, cats…yeah cats first…no no not that either…bathroom definitely bathroom…everything hurts. back, shoulders, neck, …

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