Goodbye Dad, again…

Goodbye Dad, again…

my father has been leaving voicemails for a few months now. we had a falling out last year when he called me at 4am my time making accusations that were not only hurtful but also incorrect. i’ve been blamed for everything when it comes to my father. i was never enough for him. me the …

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Winner Takes All…

Winner Takes All…

From one of my favorite stories of the Big Book of A.A. Winner takes all is about a young woman born legally blind but keenly aware she was the lesser wanted child of her siblings. This is the last chapter of the story and it was the one that gave me my Aha moment. Regardless …

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Enough…

Enough…

For anyone new to the site I’d like to offer some insight to my Twitter and #SurvivorCulture tweet. My site needs work so you’re probably seeing a happy post about getting back to my previous therapist. Which definitely is good news…especially given the current circumstances. My father and I tried to forge or repair some …

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Trying to keep positive…

Trying to keep positive…

these flare ups suck when then take me out of my routine. you know the drill. something triggers that familiar ‘un-happy’ gut feeling. not yet excruciating but you know it’s just a matter of time. today i was finally able to run errands after being in bed for the past 3 days. the familiar dull …

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It’s been awhile…

It’s been awhile…

just checking in and i want to be clear when it comes to my previous therapist you asked if you could follow along and i had said yes. at the time i didn’t see the harm, in hindsight it would leave me feeling too exposed. i’m not truly sure what made things change course so …

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why bother part 2…

why bother part 2…

well, the house is fully automated. lights on timers. varying so as to project someone home. bills are all automated although i’m sure electricity and other services will eventually get cut… in the meantime, there’s no reason to keep up this charade any longer. this site is paid up for two years, it’ll stay online …

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wtf is the point any longer…

wtf is the point any longer…

my “therapist” left in a complete lurch. my father starts calling me again more than a year later playing the ‘poor old man’ card as if that means i’m supposed to just pretend you didn’t kick me to the curb last time…just like you’ve done for my entire fucking life?!?!? the post office won’t deliver …

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Been a heck of a week…

Been a heck of a week…

last thursday was a hit to the gut. she used all the right words. “I know that you have abandonment issues and…” i do/don’t recall much beyond the utter collapse that i’d never be able to work with her again. we were so close and the one last thing i needed. the one last thing …

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Good Days, Bad Days…

Good Days, Bad Days…

Blech. I was down for the count the past three days, and hard too. I mean really really freaking hard like a mack truck hit me then backed up did it again and again and again. The more I research Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) the more I begin to understand ‘arthritis’ related conditions and symptoms. When my father …

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